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[Never had Soubi thought that he would hear Seimei like this. Never had he wanted to. In reality, Soubi isn't even sure if he wants to hear it right now. It's terrifying and he will look back on in this absolute disgust.

Despite it not being his place, he understands where Seimei is coming from. He's below Seimei, isn't he? It's a lot. Dealing with this.]

Claw out my skin if you must.

[This is murmured against Seimei's neck as they continue to move. It isn't possible but Soubi thinks it might be good if he did. Pain is something he knows well. Much better than pleasure. For pain to be mixed in with the feeling of pleasure it seems like it could be bearable.

But the panting, the sound of their clothes against each other, and how good it all feels is too much. How Seimei's skin tastes is another detail Soubi doesn't think he wants to remember. Maybe he isn't biting but it's still too much.]

[ seimei wants to rip them both apart. his penchant for violence has never been turned inward, but as he feels himself reaching his peak, brought to an orgasm he never really wanted by someone who really didn’t want to get him there, he thinks the greatest mercy he could spare himself would be to cut off his own lower half.

but he doesn’t do that, and he can’t; and even with his hands on soubi’s back, he can’t dig as deep as he needs to in order to stabilize himself. ]

…

[ gasping, he shivers underneath soubi, still holding on tightly even as the rest of him goes boneless. ]

[He wants Seimei to tear him apart. Cut off his lower half. Soubi doesn't want to want this but he does. This part of himself wants Seimei just like this and wishes he could have more. Have all of him. It's wrong and Soubi knows that but Seimei feels so good like this.

It's mortifying. It's mortifying how he had moved against Seimei. How he had desperately searched for that release and how once he found it, he couldn't even hold back the gasp.

This isn't the first time that Seimei has brought him to climax but this is the first time they found it together. Soubi would like to say that he hopes it never happens again and it isn't a lie. He does hope for that.

But some greedy part of him wants to hold Seimei down and only take and take and take.

It's that need that shoots through Soubi's conscious and he's letting go, backing away from Seimei like he just committed a great sin but hadn't he?]

[ seimei can’t catch his breath. he’s never felt like this before, so completely taken apart by someone else, and he isn’t even thinking about what a disgusting sensation it is to have come in his own clothes. even now, he’s not quite satisfied. soubi didn’t claim him the way that a part of him had hoped, but they’ve moonlaced, and at least some sense of sanity is returning.

his chest rises and falls, and he can feel his heart beating in his ears. ]

Where are you going?

[ there’s no expectation in his tone; he’s not asking soubi to stay, and he’s not suggesting that he leave faster, either. it is, unusually for seimei, plainly what it is. ]

[Soubi doesn't know what Seimei wants. Seimei wanted Soubi to take him completely and he also did not. Soubi knew that if Seimei were to speak for himself, truly himself, he wouldn't want Soubi in this room at all.

He hates this.]

I probably shouldn't be staying here.

[But Soubi can read Seimei's tone well. This isn't some veiled order for him to stay.

And yet he isn't telling him to go.]

[ seimei can’t read himself at all.

what can he do like this? what is he supposed to say? he needs to find some way to take this situation back, but his physical body feels so good between chroma generation and an orgasm that he doesn’t know how to keep going. ]

…start a bath.

[ he closes his eyes. it’s not the kind of order he would usually give soubi. ]

I need to clean up.

[Soubi wishes Seimei could be angry. If he could turn cold because it's familiar. This isn't any of those things.

And still some part of Soubi wants more.

He nods, with a shaky breath, and it's absolutely gross. This is his second time coming in his pants. He wants to clean up himself. But no, he goes away to do as he's told. He takes longer than he would to give Seimei a moment. It at least allows him to change his own clothes and wash himself off quickly enough.

Before he comes back, bath ready. Another breath near Seimei's presence and he grips the doorway. This is hard.]

Your bath is ready. Can you...order me to stay away?

[What a humiliating thing to ask but it feels like the only thing that would work.]

[ it helps, so much, to have soubi leave for a few moments. seimei isn’t completely back to normal, with ostella still pulsing behind his ear and his body still craving an astella to mate him, but he understands that this is not something he can, or should, pursue.

when soubi comes back, seimei is at least sitting up, and his shirt has been righted and smoothed. at worst, he looks like he’s waking up from a nap. ]

You can’t control yourself?

[ there’s something strained in his voice. he’s trying. ]

Fine. Don’t bother me while I’m in the bath.

[It's such a half-hearted order that Soubi frowns. Astella tells him to teach Seimei a lesson. Everything he's ever known tells him to lay himself before Seimei and beg for punishment for being this weak.

I wasn't trained for something like this.

When you can't control yourself either...

It's on the tip of his tongue but he looks away. He closes his eyes and moves away from the doorway, to the wall outside of it, and leaning against it. He wants to take Seimei and make him his.

He's disgusted and all he can do is remind himself over and over and over that no. No, he doesn't want that.]

[ seimei just needs to soak in the bath for an hour, maybe two. he needs to completely cleanse himself of the smell of soubi, and deeper than that, however impossible it might be, of his own pheromones. his pride as a sacrifice is at stake—one who can’t deliver orders is just dead weight, and one who lets their fighter control them is worse than that.

he brushes past soubi as if soubi isn’t even there, and closes the door with more force than necessary. ]

…

[ at least with the door closed, he can breathe. ]

I’m leaving the door unlocked. [ this, at least, is definitely not an invitation. it sounds like seimei—it’s a challenge. ] I know you know better than to bother me.

[It does sound like Seimei and it's a relief, he thinks. A real relief.

But it doesn't help the shame of it all and so he goes to his room, changing his clothes and quickly running out of the house. He needs to be careful and with Seimei most of all.

He would rather risk it with anybody else.]

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