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Are you really going to be the one to take my ears?

[ seimei posits the question like it’s something they’ve ever discussed previously. they haven’t, not really. that strange look a decade into the future gave them information, but seimei is sure it was to be understood as a delusion rather than a prediction.

and yet. ]

I can’t believe that.

[For all of Soubi's acting skills, there's little signs that give him away. Especially around somebody as powerful like Seimei. His face remains passive and calm, no emotion betraying the bolt of anxiety that rises up within him. His hand twitches, his fingers flex, and it's small but it's something.]

Your ears were gone but that doesn't mean that it was me. That you would allow that. [Even if for the time they have been here, their relationship has taken a turn Soubi never would have seen coming. Never did he think he would know what it was like to kiss Seimei and know what he looked like when he had an orgasm. He tried not to think about it.]

If that illusion was real, if that was our future, it may not have been me at all.

Edited 2020-11-12 14:44 (UTC)

[ it was soubi. seimei knows this with certainty because it makes him sick to think about when his mind is clear. during cordis, all bets are off, they’ve long agreed to that—but the thought that there really is a point in his future where he gives up makes his stomach churn.

so he needs to take back control. whatever happened to that other seimei was the result of giving in. this, now, is all seimei’s choice. ]

Are you saying that to comfort me… or to comfort yourself?

[That makes his blood run cold and he ultimately knows the true answer. He's had sex twice here, with two different people. He didn't like it. The memories of it made him anxious and those people hadn't been Seimei.

Him and Seimei have done some things but there's been limits. Limits that Seimei has placed and ones Soubi's grateful for because if it were his choice at all then...

Well, he doesn't really know about that. Making choices.]

I only know my place. That's all.

[It doesn't answer the question. You can't lie to Seimei.]

[ soubi’s evasive replies do amuse him, but in equal part, perhaps because he’s looking for some answer that can’t be provided, he’s frustrated that soubi is so—as always—deferential. ]

You’re a terrible conversationalist, Soubi. I can’t even talk about a hypothetical situation without you trying to make me decide something.

[ a sigh. ]

Tell me what it’s like. You should know by now.

[Seimei does want conversation but that requires lying and then Seimei would call him out on it. It seems better to simply be bad at talking rather than the alternative option. He bows his head in apology.

And then Seimei asks that of him and Soubi struggles to get the words out.] I...I was under the effect of that rune. I was different when I did that but...[Honesty. Seimei requires honesty.]

It feels good. [And it had. Lost in the moment, under the effect of the Astella rune, Soubi had enjoyed the physical pleasure from it. His anxiety and panic had been drowned out from instinct and pleasure. Although right now, there's no pleasure to do that for him. No instincts to listen to. Only a growing panic.] But it's different. The kind of different you can't imagine. A feeling you've never had and it feels like something is taking you over and then...you fall. [And you're left with shame.]

Hm.

[ seimei can almost feel it. that’s the power of words, after all—soubi might not be casting a spell with his description, but he’s got a way about his phrasing nonetheless. it even feels like his stomach drops for a moment at the word fall.

he hates to be manipulated. but when he wants poetry, he can appreciate it. ]

I wonder how many times I allowed you to feel that. Ten years is a long time.

Probably only during Cordis.

[Seimei doesn't want him to deny the possibility anymore. Soubi doesn't want to believe that they've ever had sex but looking at how far things have come, it isn't so hard to see that it probably was Soubi that took his ears. Nobody else would be allowed. Not because this was something special that was granted to him, no. Only that Seimei wouldn't want somebody he couldn't perfectly control to do it.]

Do you think so?

[ seimei doesn’t know. goodness, he doesn’t know, and he hates it—but there’s a part of him that finds the challenge enthralling, too, because he knows he’ll be able to get what he wants from soubi as always. he won’t lose, even if the prize is not one he wants. ]

And if I asked you to do it now?

[There's no asking from Seimei. Maybe he will phrase a command as a question but Soubi knows, always, that there is never a choice when it comes to Seimei. His command is everything.]

My body is yours. For whatever use you need it for at any time.

[If he knew anything of choice, of actual independence, then the rising nausea in his stomach would make him say otherwise.]

Very good, Soubi.

[ the praise sounds distant, even to seimei’s own ears. there’s a sensation in his blood that he can’t place, and it makes it all run thick through his veins. ]

I want to do it. [ he still hasn’t decided yet if this is possible with clothes on; it’s an almost childish approach to the whole matter, his uncertainty. ] I know what you’ve told Ritsuka. Your nonsense about kissing being power for a pair. Then, this should make us unstoppable, shouldn’t it?

[One thought comes to Soubi and it's that he wishes he could ask Seimei not to talk about Ritsuka or repeat anything he said to him. Right now, after Seimei just told him what he wants, the last person Soubi wants to think of at all is Ritsuka.]

If it's strength that you're worried about then I can work harder. Train harder.

[He knows it's not.]

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