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No, I’ll do it.

[ which means that soubi no longer gets a choice. this is a glimpse into the person that seimei was when he was still, seemingly effortlessly, living up to the name of beloved. he helped others without a second thought to himself, and even when their mother was well enough to prepare dinner, seimei made sure to stay in the kitchen and keep an eye on her.

for ritsuka’s sake, but it never did hurt to make sure his position as a necessary part of the house was safe. it was as if his father meant nothing to his mother, when seimei was there. and all he had to do, like here, was make sure that the rice got put on and stayed warm. ]

It hardly feels like a home without something in the rice cooker. [ a smile towards soubi, even if he isn’t looking. ] Though I admit it’s been a while for me, too…

[Did Seimei not do any cooking where he was now? Soubi knew from Ritsuka that Seimei had cooked for him although he never knew what meals. It had surprised Soubi to discover that but then again, he guessed, things were always different for Ritsuka. Seimei was like a whole other person when it came to his younger brother.

He knows he cannot argue with Seimei about this and he nods. It's just rice anyway. Seimei had probably done it long before he had to do it for Ritsuka.]

Thank you. I'm sorry for forgetting it. It's usually the first thing I do. [But that was when he didn't have Seimei torturing him and playing mind games.]

Ha ha, you were taking care of me. I’m not mad, Soubi.

[ seimei rolls up his sleeves, and he’s so diligent about washing the rice. his mother is meticulous, too, but seimei takes it to a different level entirely with the way he agitates the starch from the grains.

chiyako shares the habit. seimei hopes she’s well. ]

Mm, I find this therapeutic. It’s nice to make something so clean.

[ he’s the type that will wash his rice until the water runs clear, and only then does he set the basin in the rice cooker. ]

Don’t you agree?

[Soubi wouldn't say that he's unclean. Ritsu had made him keep a clean space and so Soubi did. But he's not at the level that Seimei is. Seimei goes above and beyond. Soubi watches him the whole time, watching how long he washes it. Much longer than he would do so for himself or even for Ritsuka.]

Yes. I guess it's like that for me with my paintbrushes.

[Which isn't a lie. There was something nice about washing them and watching the paint drip from the bristles.

Although he doubts that would be enough for Seimei.]

You’re always painting recently, aren’t you? The people here are big fans of your work.

[ the conversation borders on so plain it’s boring. seimei is not asking anything of soubi that a normal person wouldn’t, and the way he’s hunched in front of the rice cooker to play with the settings makes him seem normal, too.

he presses the start button, and it beeps cheerily at him. ]

Yes. I've had a lot of commissions. [Soubi is coming off as if he doesn't want to talk and he doesn't but he also knows that if he speaks too much then he potentially annoys Seimei.

But this Seimei is putting up with more than he usually would. Due to the moon? Probably. If he's feeling anything that Soubi is then this must be unbearable for Seimei as well. But he's still here and Soubi wishes he could know the game.

He's so on edge, the beep of the rice cooker makes his ears twitch and it feels so alien to feel them again. Trying to keep himself busy, he gets a drink of water and desperately keeps his eyes trained on the meal he's cooking. It's on low heat now. It doesn't need his constant attention.]

[ seimei does prefer it that way. he could talk to the end of the world simply because he thinks everything he says has weight, but if soubi starts getting too conversational in return, the whole thing falls apart. ]

…It’s a shame about your ears.

[ he doesn’t clarify whether he means having them or losing them, in soubi’s particular case. this is the first time he’s addressed it that isn’t disguised as talking about his hair. ]

[And there it is.

Soubi doesn't think it matters what Seimei may mean. It will hurt all the same. Losing them was a memory he didn't like to think about and actively tried not to remember.

That's all out of the window now.

He knows what he has to say and so he does:] What do you mean?

It must be difficult to have them back like this.

[ seimei is not being considerate, precisely, but his less-than-tactful initial approach is softened by the fact that he’s not leaning into it either. his tail suggests as much too: it’s held at a normal angle. ]

Cordis isn’t very nice.

[ wanting to touch other people as he does—it’s a kind of torture in its own way. ]

It's fine. [It isn't.] It isn't for a long time, right? [He wants to keep away from the topic of his ears more than anything.]

It must be hard for you as well. [Eyes downcast, he keeps his eyes trained on the food he's cooking and wonders. How did he handle this when he was alone? It was a rare enough feat that Seimei had touched him but would he have touched somebody else? If he considered them special then maybe. But even if he forced himself then it couldn't have been easy for him.

Taking a deep breath, taking in that scent, he quickly turns to his food to keep himself distracted. He could go for a cigarette right now.]

I have plenty of money if you need more food and I have a lot of commissions to work on. We won't be running out of money any time soon.

[ seimei pauses, and considers how long soubi has been like this. he was broken before seimei ever got his hands on him—but what about before ritsu? there was a time where seimei hadn’t been a part of that world.

he couldn’t have even thought to wonder about soubi. yet, soubi seems like someone who was destined to hurt the way he does from the moment he was born.

seimei doesn’t feel much of anything, when he thinks about it like that. it isn’t like he was going to console soubi over it. ]

Thank you, Soubi.

[ he smiles, almost warm. ]

When you finish cooking, you can come eat next to me. I don’t mind.

[All Soubi could remember of that life was a father who worked a lot and a woman he was bitter towards through no fault of hers at all. What did that life matter when it seemed so long ago?

Especially right now.

Seimei is very good at coming off as if he's like other people and Soubi knows he is not. Anybody else may see this conversation and see a teenager.

And Soubi sees a minefield.]

Thank you. [It isn't a suggestion. Seimei wants him to and Soubi doesn't know how to play his role with this Seimei. He'll have to learn.

But once he's done making his food, he goes have to sit with Seimei and before he takes his first bite, he looks to Seimei, still unsure.] Are you okay?

[ of course he isn’t okay. seimei can’t stand having soubi here, but neither can he bear the thought of sending him away when soubi smells so good and he’s so desperate for touch. he must be torturing them both, making soubi stay, but he’s simply trying to navigate what’s good for him. ]

Mm… I’m fine.

[ seimei pulls his legs up onto the couch. the rest of his food has been eaten in the time that it took soubi to finish cooking, and at least seimei’s stomach is satisfied. ]

But I think it’s funny that you’re asking.

[Neither of them wants to be here but Soubi doesn't think he would be comfortable either way. Away from Seimei and his scent and the memories of being able to touch him and feeling this strange satisfaction that was so alien to what he was used to.

The way that Soubi eats is very awkwardly mechanical. Seimei probably hates watching him eat and so Soubi is trying to accommodate for that.

Which doesn't do much for his hunger.]

My only desire is to do what you need me to. That's all.

[Which is a very over the top way of saying that.]

[ seimei does hate watching soubi eat, but he feels oddly captivated by it now. it’s more interesting than his device could ever be, even if it would normally make him feel sick to observe the act of eating so closely. he doesn’t like it. he doesn’t enjoy food. the only person he could ever stand to watch eat is ritsuka, and ritsuka finds most exceptions in seimei’s life. ]

Soubi.

[ he smiles. ]

I want you to be comfortable. That’s my present to you, to apologize for bringing you here. [ as if it was seimei’s decision to drag soubi to this alien planet. as if he would actually apologize for it. ]

[It's strange. Even if Soubi knows that Seimei doesn't exactly mean all of this, the fact that he's willing to put up this act is so different from how things just were back home. Seimei had been angry at him, he had called him a traitor, and Soubi had been a mess of heartbroken and betrayed and ashamed.

He's still those things, he still feels this way but this Seimei is not the same. He said so himself. Things had changed but what? There's questions he has. Why had he needed him back? Why had he had Soubi go to Ritsuka in the first place?

And why had he left him behind?

He feels sick and he doesn't want to be thinking about this. He takes another bite and thinks maybe he shouldn't have made something that was saucy at all. It makes him have to lick his lips and that probably disgusts Seimei.]

It's hard to be comfortable here. With all...this. [Pheromones, this desire to be touched, the hunger, and his ears and tail.] But thank you. You're very kind to me. [That's probably what he should say.]

[ it’s a small mercy for seimei that seeing soubi’s tongue coming out to lick away the sauce breaks the spell on him, just enough that he can casually—though not subtly—avert his eyes. he wishes that no one had to eat. soubi doesn’t even have the decency to look like he’s enjoying it. ]

It would be hard for me if you weren’t here.

[ seimei will never admit it in so many words, but he gets lonely. ]

I’m only mean to you because I have to be. I much prefer being pleased with you, Soubi, so let’s work together to get through this. Hm?

[Soubi rarely enjoys his meals as it is. Most of the times, he only ate enough food so his body wouldn't pass out rather than any real want to eat. Healthy meals are made just so his body is its most useful.

And it's hard to enjoy himself when he knows Seimei is definitely disgusted by him right now.

It's stupid, Soubi knows, but something in his heart soars knowing that Seimei is glad he's here. He's needed. Seimei needs him.]

I know. I only ever want to be useful to you so I'll do anything to achieve that.

[ seimei doesn’t have much to say to that. he’s praised soubi enough, but he doesn’t feel like insulting him, either. his smile is answer enough, and then he lets his attention drift back to his device while soubi finishes eating. though the silence between them isn’t precisely comfortable, it’s less tense than the last time seimei remembers soubi being so quiet.

that was his command, though. he can’t blame soubi too much. ]

Put that in the sink, I’ll wash everything later.

[ he speaks, when soubi seems done. per their agreement, seimei instructs soubi to leave the dishes for him. ]

I want to take a nap first.

[Seimei had told him that he wanted to be the one to focus on cleaning. It was all part of what made Seimei who he was. This obsession with being clean and Soubi knew it was simply what Seimei wanted. It was easy not to make much of a mess.

It still feels rude to not clean up after himself and he tries to quietly wipe off most of the food so Seimei doesn't have to do more than he has to.]

Okay then. I'll go back to my room. [That's a pretty obvious dismissal.]

Why?

[ it wouldn’t be seimei if he made it that easy. he again pats the space next to him on the couch, where soubi had just stood up from. part of his silence was spent in deciding whether or not he wants to do this, and he has decided that he does.

it won’t be comfortable for soubi, but it will be something. ]

Come here. Sit down.

[That had not been what Soubi expected at all. It's obvious by the way he freezes for a second and doesn't rush to do what Seimei says.

But he does still go to where Seimei tells him to and rigidly sits down, unsure and a bit frightened.]

I'm not very comfortable.

[Nothing about this is comfortable at all.]

No?

[ seimei thinks that’s obvious. he doesn’t know what soubi has to be scared of. ]

I want to put my head in your lap.

[ with seimei, wanting to do something and doing something are functionally the same sentiment, and he’s already pulling his legs up so that he can lie back and rest his head on soubi’s thighs. it’s better than using his hands, like before. he isn’t sure why he didn’t think of this in the first place. ]

How about this?

[Soubi doesn't think he has been this tense in a while. Where does he put his hands? He can't put them on Seimei although his hair looks soft and nice...

But he definitely cannot touch Seimei.

He puts one arm on the back cushion and the other on the side of his thigh so his hand stays far from Seimei.]

It's good.

[No it is not and his heart is thumping way too loud.]

[ soubi is lying, of course. seimei can’t imagine that soubi is happy about this at all. maybe there’s something that pleases him, having seimei here, but seimei doesn’t think soubi can even experience happiness without so many complications it’s hardly even happiness at all. ]

Then I’m going to sleep.

[ and he does want to. a catnap, after such a long morning. ]

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