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[ something has happened that’s different from anything the moons have yet brought upon him. he’s used to, by now, feeling itchy and restless when the cordis moon hangs overhead, and he didn’t think that he was going to be so badly damaged by that announcement from the dragon king. it’s his natural hubris at work—seimei has always believed that if he doesn’t want something to happen, it won’t. if it does, he can fix it.

that’s how he’s gotten himself into this situation, a couple days into the appearance of the rune behind his ear. he’s unusually locked himself in his room after an incident when this began, but refusing himself either contact or relief in such close quarters with someone he has similarly refused to acknowledge is backfiring. ]

…

[ he’s hot, he can’t think straight, he feels ill. whatever is wracking his body must be a sickness, but every time he tries to press his hand to the sheets or to the frame of his bed to try to cool himself off, he finds himself thinking about soubi. it should be infuriating. he can’t muster anger. ]

Soubi.

[ he has to give in. he knows soubi can hear him. he grits his teeth, then calls for soubi out loud the way he’s called for nisei through their bond. thanks to ostella, it’s naturally specifically attuned to get soubi’s attention anyway. ]

Soubi.

[Soubi had worried. Since his arrival, he had seen how this world could affect people. The Cordis moon had turned both of them into something not quite themselves but this is different. This is very different.

The scent during Cordis is bad enough but he can handle it. Whatever is going on right now is only made worse by Seimei but he's terrified of leaving his room. The thoughts racing through him go against everything he was ever taught and he doesn't know what to do.

By the time Seimei is calling him, Soubi was on the brink of it all. It's a combination of his training, to do whatever Seimei needs of him, and these instincts. He knows it'll end up in a mistake but he cannot ignore him. As calmly as he can, he goes to Seimei and opens the door. A deep inhale and he grips the door. Everything inside tells him to just take him and it's those instincts that make him go to Seimei, closer than he would like. His fingers dig into the sheets and he's already hard. What has this world done to him?]

[ seimei could cry, he’s so frustrated, but the thought alone is enough to shame him out of it. instead, as soon as soubi comes to him, his bed, he reaches out to grip soubi’s thigh. it doesn’t seem to occur to him that he hates touch, right now.

his face is flushed, his expression unusually vulnerable. he’s been cracked open by this horrible blight. ]

I can’t stand it.

[ he wants nisei. he doesn’t want to show this side of himself to soubi. ]

Soubi, it hurts. [ it’s like his mouth has completely detached itself from his mind. ] No matter what I do, my body…

[It's bizarre to see Seimei like this. Never before has he seen Seimei so vulnerable. Even in his worst moments, Seimei had the ability to look calm throughout it all. This is not Seimei but Soubi also knows this isn't quite him either.

He takes his glasses off because although there are two voices telling him different things inside, it feels inevitable that he loses all restraint and does what his instincts tell him to do. There's a shudder as Soubi reminds himself this isn't his place but it's truly a losing battle as he puts his mouth at Seimei's neck and kisses him there. He's sure that someone without his training for control would be losing it by now but even this is embarrassing. How he presses those open kisses at Seimei's neck, puts his hand on Seimei's hip.]

This isn't easy for me either. You're not making it easy. [Though that's often how it goes as he fully settles himself over Seimei now, not yet straddling him as he kisses him and moves his hands over his chest.]

[ seimei wants to hate it.

there’s a part of him which remains himself that wants to claw soubi’s throat out for thinking that he can do this. most of him, though, falls to it so easily that he wouldn’t say no if someone offered him death right now. ]

Soubi…

[ he knows that soubi has kissed ritsuka. it feels insane to him that he’s jealous. this strange mark has him wanting soubi’s attention all to himself, and he digs his fingers into soubi’s shirt as if he can keep him there.

the violence left in seimei expresses itself through his kiss. then, panting— ]

You can have me.

[ he’s so addled he hardly considers his ears, in making the offer. ]

[Kissing Seimei and kissing Ritsuka are very different. Kissing Ritsuka is sweet and Seimei...is anything but that. At the offer, the last moment of resistance on Soubi's part is broken although part of himself thinks about Seimei's ears. That thought breaking through is a miracle in and of itself.

Especially as Soubi kisses Seimei and it isn't very good. His experience is lacking but it's in earnest as he tries and flounders about what to do. He wants to take Seimei, to mate with him, but he can't. The only thing the voice is still telling him to do, that strangely sounds like Ritsu's voice. Not the ears.

He pins him down with his body, his hardness pressing against Seimei's and there's a loud groan against Seimei's mouth. This is all so new to him and the feeling is a surprise that when he tries to move, he's amazed by good it feels as he pulls away from his kiss to pant against Seimei's neck.]

[ kissing is disgusting. it’s something seimei will reflect on later, when he isn’t so caught up in desire. there’s something fundamentally unsanitary about all of this, especially considering neither of them are very good at what they’re doing. on a basic level, however, seimei’s body responds to it.

when soubi really starts to move against him, seimei is at least briefly placated. it’s not exactly what his body really craves, but it’s something. it’s something. seimei keeps his sounds to himself while he ruts up against soubi, letting their hips meet.

this is good, but it’s not enough. ]

Keep touching me.

[ it’s clear that seimei has been driven out of his mind, if this is an order he’s giving. but if he can’t have soubi inside him—which he assumes, if soubi hasn’t broken already, he’s not getting—then he at least needs soubi everywhere else. ]

[Seimei is demanding even when he's under the effect of Ostella but Soubi doesn't mind it. There's still that part of him that needs to be commanded even if he's driven to be the one commanding. This is still enough that it appeals to what the rune is telling him.

His hands go under Seimei's shirt, his lips at Seimei's neck as he presses open kisses at the skin, to where his shoulders meet his neck...

The lower his hands go, down his stomach, to the waistband of the pants; he's driven by the desire to take him. Seimei said he could but Seimei would never mean it if it were not for the rune. Instincts tell him to forget that. Seimei wants it now.

His fingers grip into the waistband of his pants and he has to take a deep breath to hold himself back. He positions himself so he can sit up. There's more satisfaction in this position although it doesn't help when he can look down at Seimei like this either.]

[ seimei’s chest rises and falls, his heart pounding like a rabbit’s. soubi’s hands are so hot and feel so good on his skin that seimei wonders why—how he could have ever claimed that the touch of others would hurt him. ]

Soubi.

[ he feels stupid, like this is the only word he can say. looking down at soubi’s hand in the waistband of his pants, his logical mind sparks to life and reminds him of the things he doesn’t want.

never in his life has he felt so exposed to someone else. ]

You can’t have my ears. [ he has to try, but that sounds a little more like seimei. ] I don’t want your hand there.

[It's a relief to hear it. Seimei still doesn't sound like himself completely but it's enough to bring Soubi back to reality like a cold wave going over him. If not for everything else happening, he might have immediately thrown himself off and left.

His hand moves to Seimei's waist instead, where the shirt has bunched, and there's something very pretty about it. The white skin there against Soubi's hand. It calls out to the artist in him but it's brief.

Momentarily, he had paused and he thinks that looking at Seimei like this is awkward. It's a reminder of what he's doing and with who so he bends down again. Not kissing Seimei's neck this time and begins to move again, hot breaths of air against his neck. Like Seimei, he doesn't make noise. Pain or pleasure, Soubi finds it to be weak to show any signs of any feeling at all.]

[ soubi doesn’t leave, despite seimei’s cold words, and seimei is so thankful he’s sick with himself. taking what’s offered to him, he moves with soubi instead—it’s almost like a battle, how in sync they are. even if he’s never done this before, he instinctively understands what feels good.

he’s not an idiot. he’s done his research. he’s seen sex, of all different kinds. ]

…

[ he breathes out through his nose as he urgently raises his hips to grind against soubi’s crotch. his eyes close, and he tilts his head away from soubi’s face, exposing his neck.

it’s not supposed to be a test. but it is, anyway. like all of this is a test with parameters seimei has failed to set. ]

Ah…

[ it slips out. he can’t help it. he wants so much. ]

[There's a lot of factors coming into play. The rune, the fact that Soubi and Seimei are stuck here as the worst combination, and they've both tried to put this off as long as they can. They both try to put out a face to the world and that has shattered, leaving them as they are now.

There's just something about Seimei losing all semblance of control. Just with that little slip. Maybe if it hadn't been for that one sound then Soubi would have held on better. Later he would look back at how he shamelessly moved against Seimei, seeking out to hear more of him and chase the pleasure; with absolute mortification. His mouth almost biting into the skin of Seimei's soft neck but not quite doing so. That would be the only thing he could look back and be just a little bit proud of.

And he couldn't dare remember how good this felt. Seimei under him, Seimei moving back against him. Soubi knew it wasn't him that Seimei wanted, and really Soubi didn't want Seimei...but deep down, it was still good, wasn't it?]

[ one little crack in his control makes it easy for other things to start slipping through, too. his fingers dig into soubi’s back as he tries to keep his grip on reality; but with every shift of fabric, their bodies touching again and again, seimei can’t think.

it’s terrifying. his logical mind hates it.

but his logical mind is easily drowned out by the physical presence of soubi over him, and the scent of their mutual arousal. how badly he wants soubi to claim him. just the thought is enough to— ]

Soubi.

[ he sounds like he’s in pain, but the way he tenses—his hands as if he’s trying to rip out soubi’s shoulderblades—and just so slightly trembles suggests it’s something else altogether.

something new, something… exposed. ]

[Never had Soubi thought that he would hear Seimei like this. Never had he wanted to. In reality, Soubi isn't even sure if he wants to hear it right now. It's terrifying and he will look back on in this absolute disgust.

Despite it not being his place, he understands where Seimei is coming from. He's below Seimei, isn't he? It's a lot. Dealing with this.]

Claw out my skin if you must.

[This is murmured against Seimei's neck as they continue to move. It isn't possible but Soubi thinks it might be good if he did. Pain is something he knows well. Much better than pleasure. For pain to be mixed in with the feeling of pleasure it seems like it could be bearable.

But the panting, the sound of their clothes against each other, and how good it all feels is too much. How Seimei's skin tastes is another detail Soubi doesn't think he wants to remember. Maybe he isn't biting but it's still too much.]

[ seimei wants to rip them both apart. his penchant for violence has never been turned inward, but as he feels himself reaching his peak, brought to an orgasm he never really wanted by someone who really didn’t want to get him there, he thinks the greatest mercy he could spare himself would be to cut off his own lower half.

but he doesn’t do that, and he can’t; and even with his hands on soubi’s back, he can’t dig as deep as he needs to in order to stabilize himself. ]

…

[ gasping, he shivers underneath soubi, still holding on tightly even as the rest of him goes boneless. ]

[He wants Seimei to tear him apart. Cut off his lower half. Soubi doesn't want to want this but he does. This part of himself wants Seimei just like this and wishes he could have more. Have all of him. It's wrong and Soubi knows that but Seimei feels so good like this.

It's mortifying. It's mortifying how he had moved against Seimei. How he had desperately searched for that release and how once he found it, he couldn't even hold back the gasp.

This isn't the first time that Seimei has brought him to climax but this is the first time they found it together. Soubi would like to say that he hopes it never happens again and it isn't a lie. He does hope for that.

But some greedy part of him wants to hold Seimei down and only take and take and take.

It's that need that shoots through Soubi's conscious and he's letting go, backing away from Seimei like he just committed a great sin but hadn't he?]

[ seimei can’t catch his breath. he’s never felt like this before, so completely taken apart by someone else, and he isn’t even thinking about what a disgusting sensation it is to have come in his own clothes. even now, he’s not quite satisfied. soubi didn’t claim him the way that a part of him had hoped, but they’ve moonlaced, and at least some sense of sanity is returning.

his chest rises and falls, and he can feel his heart beating in his ears. ]

Where are you going?

[ there’s no expectation in his tone; he’s not asking soubi to stay, and he’s not suggesting that he leave faster, either. it is, unusually for seimei, plainly what it is. ]

[Soubi doesn't know what Seimei wants. Seimei wanted Soubi to take him completely and he also did not. Soubi knew that if Seimei were to speak for himself, truly himself, he wouldn't want Soubi in this room at all.

He hates this.]

I probably shouldn't be staying here.

[But Soubi can read Seimei's tone well. This isn't some veiled order for him to stay.

And yet he isn't telling him to go.]

[ seimei can’t read himself at all.

what can he do like this? what is he supposed to say? he needs to find some way to take this situation back, but his physical body feels so good between chroma generation and an orgasm that he doesn’t know how to keep going. ]

…start a bath.

[ he closes his eyes. it’s not the kind of order he would usually give soubi. ]

I need to clean up.

[Soubi wishes Seimei could be angry. If he could turn cold because it's familiar. This isn't any of those things.

And still some part of Soubi wants more.

He nods, with a shaky breath, and it's absolutely gross. This is his second time coming in his pants. He wants to clean up himself. But no, he goes away to do as he's told. He takes longer than he would to give Seimei a moment. It at least allows him to change his own clothes and wash himself off quickly enough.

Before he comes back, bath ready. Another breath near Seimei's presence and he grips the doorway. This is hard.]

Your bath is ready. Can you...order me to stay away?

[What a humiliating thing to ask but it feels like the only thing that would work.]

[ it helps, so much, to have soubi leave for a few moments. seimei isn’t completely back to normal, with ostella still pulsing behind his ear and his body still craving an astella to mate him, but he understands that this is not something he can, or should, pursue.

when soubi comes back, seimei is at least sitting up, and his shirt has been righted and smoothed. at worst, he looks like he’s waking up from a nap. ]

You can’t control yourself?

[ there’s something strained in his voice. he’s trying. ]

Fine. Don’t bother me while I’m in the bath.

[It's such a half-hearted order that Soubi frowns. Astella tells him to teach Seimei a lesson. Everything he's ever known tells him to lay himself before Seimei and beg for punishment for being this weak.

I wasn't trained for something like this.

When you can't control yourself either...

It's on the tip of his tongue but he looks away. He closes his eyes and moves away from the doorway, to the wall outside of it, and leaning against it. He wants to take Seimei and make him his.

He's disgusted and all he can do is remind himself over and over and over that no. No, he doesn't want that.]

[ seimei just needs to soak in the bath for an hour, maybe two. he needs to completely cleanse himself of the smell of soubi, and deeper than that, however impossible it might be, of his own pheromones. his pride as a sacrifice is at stake—one who can’t deliver orders is just dead weight, and one who lets their fighter control them is worse than that.

he brushes past soubi as if soubi isn’t even there, and closes the door with more force than necessary. ]

…

[ at least with the door closed, he can breathe. ]

I’m leaving the door unlocked. [ this, at least, is definitely not an invitation. it sounds like seimei—it’s a challenge. ] I know you know better than to bother me.

[It does sound like Seimei and it's a relief, he thinks. A real relief.

But it doesn't help the shame of it all and so he goes to his room, changing his clothes and quickly running out of the house. He needs to be careful and with Seimei most of all.

He would rather risk it with anybody else.]

inbox;

here we are, once again ( nsfw )

torn into pieces....

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