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[Soubi, if nothing else, could prize himself as being a good fighter. Knowing exactly what to do and say. How to show respect to his master. Ritsu had taught him well.

He doesn't want to get up because feeling Seimei against him like this is nice and it shouldn't be but he wonders what could happen if he held his hand again and—

Yeah. Time to get up. He's making kabayaki but with eggplant because, well, he couldn't find eel and he didn't really trust any of the meat here. Some of the sauce ingredients he had to substitute but hey, he knows how to cook and he can do it well.

Even if doing this in front of Seimei is nervewracking and why does he want to watch?]

[ seimei isn’t usually a whimsical person, even if it seems like it, but cordis is slowly but surely encouraging it out of him. it would seem to anyone that seimei is harassing soubi for the purpose of harassing him, and maybe in a way, he is. it’s not like he hates soubi, though.

at least, not in the traditional sense of “hate.” ]

Hmm.

[ he can’t stay quiet. ]

Did you cook for Ritsuka like this?

[He grips the knife in his hand a little tighter as he hears that question. There's no point in lying.]

Yes.

[There's probably something that Seimei could find offensive in that but there's a lot about their relationship that he can assume that Seimei wouldn't like.]

I cooked for the Zeroes so I made dinner for everybody when Ritsuka was using my apartment. [But he can defend it a bit.

And pointedly leave out he cooked for Ritsuka's friend a couple of times as well because there's no need to bring in innocent Yuiko.]

[ seimei hums, thoughtfully. he could say anything right now. he could be the cruelest he’s ever chosen to be. ]

I bet Ritsuka was happy.

[ in a way, that rare, sincere kindness is just another form of seimei’s cruelty, but only because he’s speaking to soubi. more than anything, even seimei finds it exhausting to be seimei, soubi’s keeper, all the time, and maybe the moonlacing and a little bit of food have both made him calmer. he’s not satisfied and maybe never will be as long as cordis hangs over them, but it’s something. ]

It was hard to make him eat his vegetables, even for me.

[If Soubi said what was on his mind, he would say this seems to be an Aoyagi trait. Not that Seimei is as bad considering Ritsuka is a child and still in his picky eater phase.

But they both preferred to eat snacks than anything of substance.

Seimei didn't want him to speak about Ritsuka before but he seems to now. Maybe he misses him. Soubi doesn't know but it's easy to talk about him.]

I learned how to mix things in so he couldn't taste them. [There's a moment and Soubi smiles at the memory.] I was able to make him eat burdock.

[ seimei got his special item. he’s been enjoying it, and he misses ritsuka so much that he almost regrets what he’s done and what he still has to do. at least soubi doesn’t know exactly what’s in store. ]

How merciless.

[ seimei’s smile is the most genuine it’s been since he got here, at least for an instant. ]

Well, I didn’t mind spoiling him. It’s more fun to let him have dessert for dinner. [ he looks down at soubi’s knifework. ] …but you’re right. If you do something to someone gradually enough, they’ll never even know it’s happening.

[There's a pause in his cutting, brief and most probably wouldn't even notice. Soubi has no doubt that Seimei probably notices it and he curses himself for doing so as his tail swishes once. Another anxious tell.

Anybody with half a brain would be able to notice that line stood out. Part of himself wonders what that means and it's hard not knowing what's going to happen. As much as he's used to Seimei being one step ahead because he walks one step behind him, it's different when he can't see Seimei in front of him. Soubi has no idea what Seimei has in store for Ritsuka.

Or for him.

And there's questions he wants to ask but knows he shouldn't. Instead he focuses on beginning to actually cook his meal.]

Dessert for dinner is fine as long as it's a treat sometimes. [He will just focus on the first part.]

[ it’s almost like a compulsion to cause trouble. whenever things become too simple, too easy, seimei feels a restless need to complicate it. even his warm, happy days with ritsuka were tempered by problems with their mother—and although ritsuka suffered so terribly for it, it gave seimei something to do. he could work towards something for himself. he could be ritsuka’s everything.

he thought for sure it was going to pay off. it seems he stayed away just a little too long. ]

You’re so responsible. [ seimei places his hand on the counter, like he’s considering helping out with the cooking. he won’t. ] You’re a better brother than I am.

[This was one thing Soubi had always noticed about Seimei. If things slowed down in Seimei's life then what was when he became the cruelest.

Soubi eyes that hand and tries to calm down when he hears what the other says. Seimei wants him to slip up. Seimei wants a reason to cause trouble and this is what he is doing right now.

It's hard knowing what he should do. Should he give Seimei what he wants? But by doing so, he would speak out of turn and that's wrong.]

I only did what you told me to. [He's going to focus very intently on actually cooking this meal now.]

[ seimei thinks about that answer. he has to decide whether or not he likes it. logically, according to the impossible rubric of seimei’s mind, it’s perfect. he still finds himself unsatisfied by it, maybe because there’s nothing to nitpick.

soubi really is so well-behaved in all the wrong places. this is why nisei, untrained as he is, is always going to be the true beloved. ]

Ah, then I guess that makes me the good one.

[ for now, soubi is safe. seimei returns his attention to the cooking, like nothing happened. ]

And what are you doing now?

[Seimei could be the better big brother. Something about the idea of being Ritsuka's brother didn't seem to sit well in his gut. He didn't like it.

And Soubi knew he didn't really have any say in what kind of brother Seimei was.

Was this what he had to think about?]

Putting all of the ingredients together.

[It's best to focus on the meal and try to stay trained on that. Not at the amazing smell coming from Seimei or how he seems to want some reaction Soubi isn't sure he can give.

Or should.]

Hmm.

[ it’s like their conversation didn’t happen. seimei is playing oblivious to anything he might be inflicting on soubi right now—in the obtuse way he pretends all his interactions with everyone come from a place of innocent misunderstandings. ]

Can I help?

[ such a simple question. he rarely asks “can,” knowing that the answer is always going to be yes.

but he’ll let soubi go ahead and offer it to him. ]

[If anybody else were to see this conversation then it would probably look like Soubi was being a little too rigid. Seimei is only trying to help and Soubi gives curt answers. Rude almost.

But nobody is watching and nobody knows Seimei like he does.

Or so he had thought. Right now there's so much he doesn't know but this not the time that he wants to think about that. Not with Seimei so near to him.

He's about to answer no and then realizes he forgot to start rice in the rice cooker. It had slipped his mind entirely and it's probably Seimei to blame.] I...forgot the rice. [Which sounds insane to Soubi and also like he's asking Seimei to do that and Seimei cannot do anything. He turns the heat down on the stove.] Ah but I can do it. Thank you, though. I know I have a bit left over...

No, I’ll do it.

[ which means that soubi no longer gets a choice. this is a glimpse into the person that seimei was when he was still, seemingly effortlessly, living up to the name of beloved. he helped others without a second thought to himself, and even when their mother was well enough to prepare dinner, seimei made sure to stay in the kitchen and keep an eye on her.

for ritsuka’s sake, but it never did hurt to make sure his position as a necessary part of the house was safe. it was as if his father meant nothing to his mother, when seimei was there. and all he had to do, like here, was make sure that the rice got put on and stayed warm. ]

It hardly feels like a home without something in the rice cooker. [ a smile towards soubi, even if he isn’t looking. ] Though I admit it’s been a while for me, too…

[Did Seimei not do any cooking where he was now? Soubi knew from Ritsuka that Seimei had cooked for him although he never knew what meals. It had surprised Soubi to discover that but then again, he guessed, things were always different for Ritsuka. Seimei was like a whole other person when it came to his younger brother.

He knows he cannot argue with Seimei about this and he nods. It's just rice anyway. Seimei had probably done it long before he had to do it for Ritsuka.]

Thank you. I'm sorry for forgetting it. It's usually the first thing I do. [But that was when he didn't have Seimei torturing him and playing mind games.]

Ha ha, you were taking care of me. I’m not mad, Soubi.

[ seimei rolls up his sleeves, and he’s so diligent about washing the rice. his mother is meticulous, too, but seimei takes it to a different level entirely with the way he agitates the starch from the grains.

chiyako shares the habit. seimei hopes she’s well. ]

Mm, I find this therapeutic. It’s nice to make something so clean.

[ he’s the type that will wash his rice until the water runs clear, and only then does he set the basin in the rice cooker. ]

Don’t you agree?

[Soubi wouldn't say that he's unclean. Ritsu had made him keep a clean space and so Soubi did. But he's not at the level that Seimei is. Seimei goes above and beyond. Soubi watches him the whole time, watching how long he washes it. Much longer than he would do so for himself or even for Ritsuka.]

Yes. I guess it's like that for me with my paintbrushes.

[Which isn't a lie. There was something nice about washing them and watching the paint drip from the bristles.

Although he doubts that would be enough for Seimei.]

You’re always painting recently, aren’t you? The people here are big fans of your work.

[ the conversation borders on so plain it’s boring. seimei is not asking anything of soubi that a normal person wouldn’t, and the way he’s hunched in front of the rice cooker to play with the settings makes him seem normal, too.

he presses the start button, and it beeps cheerily at him. ]

Yes. I've had a lot of commissions. [Soubi is coming off as if he doesn't want to talk and he doesn't but he also knows that if he speaks too much then he potentially annoys Seimei.

But this Seimei is putting up with more than he usually would. Due to the moon? Probably. If he's feeling anything that Soubi is then this must be unbearable for Seimei as well. But he's still here and Soubi wishes he could know the game.

He's so on edge, the beep of the rice cooker makes his ears twitch and it feels so alien to feel them again. Trying to keep himself busy, he gets a drink of water and desperately keeps his eyes trained on the meal he's cooking. It's on low heat now. It doesn't need his constant attention.]

[ seimei does prefer it that way. he could talk to the end of the world simply because he thinks everything he says has weight, but if soubi starts getting too conversational in return, the whole thing falls apart. ]

…It’s a shame about your ears.

[ he doesn’t clarify whether he means having them or losing them, in soubi’s particular case. this is the first time he’s addressed it that isn’t disguised as talking about his hair. ]

[And there it is.

Soubi doesn't think it matters what Seimei may mean. It will hurt all the same. Losing them was a memory he didn't like to think about and actively tried not to remember.

That's all out of the window now.

He knows what he has to say and so he does:] What do you mean?

It must be difficult to have them back like this.

[ seimei is not being considerate, precisely, but his less-than-tactful initial approach is softened by the fact that he’s not leaning into it either. his tail suggests as much too: it’s held at a normal angle. ]

Cordis isn’t very nice.

[ wanting to touch other people as he does—it’s a kind of torture in its own way. ]

It's fine. [It isn't.] It isn't for a long time, right? [He wants to keep away from the topic of his ears more than anything.]

It must be hard for you as well. [Eyes downcast, he keeps his eyes trained on the food he's cooking and wonders. How did he handle this when he was alone? It was a rare enough feat that Seimei had touched him but would he have touched somebody else? If he considered them special then maybe. But even if he forced himself then it couldn't have been easy for him.

Taking a deep breath, taking in that scent, he quickly turns to his food to keep himself distracted. He could go for a cigarette right now.]

I have plenty of money if you need more food and I have a lot of commissions to work on. We won't be running out of money any time soon.

[ seimei pauses, and considers how long soubi has been like this. he was broken before seimei ever got his hands on him—but what about before ritsu? there was a time where seimei hadn’t been a part of that world.

he couldn’t have even thought to wonder about soubi. yet, soubi seems like someone who was destined to hurt the way he does from the moment he was born.

seimei doesn’t feel much of anything, when he thinks about it like that. it isn’t like he was going to console soubi over it. ]

Thank you, Soubi.

[ he smiles, almost warm. ]

When you finish cooking, you can come eat next to me. I don’t mind.

[All Soubi could remember of that life was a father who worked a lot and a woman he was bitter towards through no fault of hers at all. What did that life matter when it seemed so long ago?

Especially right now.

Seimei is very good at coming off as if he's like other people and Soubi knows he is not. Anybody else may see this conversation and see a teenager.

And Soubi sees a minefield.]

Thank you. [It isn't a suggestion. Seimei wants him to and Soubi doesn't know how to play his role with this Seimei. He'll have to learn.

But once he's done making his food, he goes have to sit with Seimei and before he takes his first bite, he looks to Seimei, still unsure.] Are you okay?

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